Monday, December 31, 2007

Jesus Christ's Best of 2007

Jesus Christ’s Favorite Albums of 2007

14. Bloc Party – A Weekend In the City

I love this album. It’s sounds like a smarter Coldplay… which I guess makes it a more complex U2, or a less weird Radiohead, or a more textured Travis, or a less sucky Keane, or a less marketable Snow Patrol, or a more marketable Aqualung. Whatever you want to call it, it’s good. Plus, there’s a song about prayer that makes Me want to dance.

13. Bruce Springsteen – Magic

Here’s My problem with Springsteen, all his music since Tunnel Of Love seem to have lost that sense of Bruce wearing his heart on his sleeve. He is more calculated now, more self aware, more safe. I love the new album a lot. It is loud, playful, and fun. It’s just not quite as dangerous and honest as are the best Springsteen albums. He is a comfortable family man now, and his music sounds like it. Granted, this is still better than most other albums of 2007. If you disagree, it is because I made you with less refined taste.

12. Ween – La Cucaracha

Ween always seems like just a one hit wonder away from being huge. Like all other Ween albums, “La Cucaracha” has some songs that are shockingly amazing, and some songs that are embarrassingly awful. Most all Ween fans agree with this. However, very few can agree on which songs are the awful ones and which are the amazing ones. There are few songs I hated more in 2007 than “Learning To Love”, but there were few songs I loved more than “Woman and Man”. Thus, the magic of Ween. I’m still waiting for the gospel themed album.

11. Roddy Woomble – I Came In From The Mountain

Idlewild front man Roddy Woomble’s solo album sounds like Scotland. It’s nice for Roddy to get away from Idlewild and record a less rocky and more melodic album. I love Idlewild, but find their live acoustic performance recordings more moving than their albums. This album sound more like that version of Idlewild, and Scotland. This probably came out in 2006, but unless you don't care if your name makes it in My book or not, I don't think you should argue with Me.

10. Los Campesinos! - Sticking Fingers Into Sockets EP

I’m putting an EP on this list because I LOVE IT and can not wait for their proper full length. Los Campesinos have the wittiest lyrics of 2007. Very few songs made Jesus dance around His room like a little girl, but “You! Me! Dancing!” had Me wiggling, then hitting repeat, and wiggling more. Have fun picturing that.

9. Jeff Tweedy – Letters to Santa Benefit Living Room Concert

Not an actual album, but I’m God so I count it. I believe this intimate bootleg found Me via I Am Fuel, We Are Friends. I was going to put the new Wilco album on this list, but I realized I have enjoyed listening to this even more. The new Wilco album is lovely, but this bootleg is something special. I know something about Jeff Tweedy’s soul, and this bootleg lets you see that soul more than their proper CD releases.

8. Iron and Wine – Shepherd’s Dog

It is always exciting when a band’s sound evolves, yet it still sounds completely like that band. This is a perfect example of this phenomenon. For those worried that they might miss out on more folk ballad purity, your prayers were answered with “Flightless Bird, American Mouth”. Plus he looks like Me.

7. David Bazan – Live at the Grey Eagle: Asheville, NC 11/4/07

Yeah, not an album again, but I’m God so I can add stuff like this to My list. His new songs are amazing and David Bazan rarely fails to impress Me. And on the creative scale, I only set him to be about a 7.

6. Avril Lavigne – The Best Damn Thing

This is on My list due to the fact that I listened to this album more than most other albums in 2007. I am bearing My heart here. I could have hidden this from you, but I want you to know Me. I love Avril Lavigne. How fascinating is it that this is what happened to punk rock? And to think there was a time when Green Day felt like the soulless definition of punk commodity. However, no matter how you package your bubble gum, it’s still bubble gum. This is bubble gum in it’s purest form, and Jesus loves bubble gum.

5. Okkervil River – The Stage Names

Okkervil River always releases lovely albums, and this is My favorite of theirs, solely due to the Beach Boys nod.

4. Dan Deacon – Spiderman of the Rings

This is the sound of a nerd exploding. If you threw They Might Be Giants, Justice, and Alvin and the Chipmunks into a blender, then recorded the sound spewing out of that blender, you might hear Dan Deacon.

3. Spoon – Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga

The most radio friendly indie rock of 2007, the average 12 year old would love this album. If their song Underdog was on last summer’s kid movie Underdog soundtrack, they would have a much younger audience. The album is easily their most accessible, and also easily their best.

2. Of Montreal - Hissing Fauna, Are You The Destroyer?

Like Dylan going electric, when Of Montreal went electronic, a bit of My love for them died. I liked their new dance beats, but I missed the twee-ness of Cherry Peel more. After this album, I don’t care if they never go near any gay parades again. This album raised the Montreal bar to a level I did not know they could reach. Of Montreal have out Flaming Lips the Flaming Lips to become the coolest and most danceable psychedelic pop band of contemporary music. Jesus Christ loves Kevin Barnes.

1. Radiohead – In Rainbows

Like an R.E.M. cover band from Neptune… in the future! This album caught Me by surprise, not because it was good, but because I loved it. My love switched to respect for this band once Kid A ripped apart everything simple about Radiohead. My respect has switched back to head over heels in love with this band. Even disk 2 is better than most music other bands released this year. I question the authenticity of any best album list that has In Rainbows on their list, but not at number 1. I was really hoping no album would be better than Hissing Fauna because I was excited for Of Montreal to have My favorite album of 2007. Sorry Barnes and company, but placing you higher than In Rainbows would be a sin.

Album of 2007 that Broke the Heart of Jesus

Bright Eyes – Cassadaga

Ever join a conversation and get the feeling that they are making fun of you but you really can’t be sure? Maybe with some odd glances and uncomfortable smiles. That’s how I feel when I listen to this album. I get that odd sense that Conor Oberst is putting Me down, and of all the people who have lived on your planet, I am the one person you don’t want on your bad side. I have loved the music of Bright Eyes ever since I first heard his cracking shrieks about lovers being tied together and thrown into the ocean. As people threw out the Dylan comparisons, I agreed, and for a while, even felt that Conor was acting a better Dylan that Dylan. However, this album is the first time I’ve seen cracks in the folk machine. Plus, I get the feeling Conor is mad about Me for something, which sucks because I love the guy.

Jesus Christ’s Favorite Movies of 2007

10. The preview for My Name Is Bruce

I enjoyed this preview more than most films in 2007. There is no way this film can live up to the magic in this trailer, but the idea of mixing the Evil Dead with The Three Amigos sounds like B-Movie perfection.

9. Live Free or Die Hard

This movie had no business being not terrible. It was part 4 of a dying franchise, starring a former action hero who has lost most his drawl. And while still nowhere near as good as the original, it somehow was really, really fun. Die Hard 4.0 walked the line of cheesy action and cheesy dialog, and rarely slipped… and when it did, it was fun. Plus, not since Red Dawn has PG-13 ever looked more R.

8. Superbad / Knocked Up

These films were vulgar, raunchy, wrong, and honest. They reminded Me of the nights when Me and My disciples would sit out by the fire and they would be happy with their full stomachs and wine, and would just start laughing and rambling until things got a little out of hand.

7. 28 Weeks Later

This is the scariest zombie movie since the original Dawn of the Dead. Ever since 28 Days Later, I have stood behind My stance that zombies are scarier when they are slow and wobbly. The first 10 minutes of this film has made Me see the magic in zombies that can run… fast. Like Raiders Of The Lost Ark and Saving Private Ryan, this movie opening is so wild that it eclipses the rest of the film. Not that the rest of the film isn’t good, I loved everything about this movie and I hope this can spawn another sequel.

6. Open Water 2

Rarely are straight to video DVD’s worth renting. However, there is always this hope that maybe, just maybe, this one film might be the one that just somehow slipped through the cracks. Maybe I find one a year that fit the rare category of being better than the straight to video hand they’ve been delt. This year, I think it happened twice. One surprise was the far better than the predecessor Wrong Turn 2, which still was a nasty, gory inbreed slashfest that doesn’t get the Son of God’s approval, but still should have done better than it has. The second one, though, is a film I can happily stand behind. Open Water 2 is a straight to video sequel that not too many people saw, and most who did didn’t seem to think it was anything too special. They are all wrong. I’m God, and I know they are wrong. This film is terrifying and far superior to the original. The plot is simple, what if a group of young adults jumped off a yacht in the middle of the ocean and forgot to put down the ladder? This film follows that premise and its terrifying results. It has nothing to do with part 1, other than the somewhat similar premise, which makes the title a little unfortunate. This film is well acted and well shot, and genuinely scary as the viewer watches this nightmare scenario unfold.

5. Sunshine

I made light attractive. Humans are instinctively drawn to light. I made you that way. This little science fiction masterpiece not only captures this human desire to worship the sun (son), but it is also really creepy! Films that can pull off both beauty and scary are a select few, and this film makes it happen. It’s hard to guess where this film is heading, and once it gets there… well, it’s more than a little startling. Science, religion, horror, adventure, and psychobabble are hard plates to keep spinning without breaking, and director Danny Boyle does a wonderful job and keeping them all above his head.

4. American Gangster

Few people can kill a dog cooler than Josh Brolin.

3. Juno

From start to finish, this film had Me grinning ear to ear. Everything about this film is adorable. It’s Pixar animal baby cute. Everything from calling Sonic Youth noise to threatening to punch wieners, just about every scene and bit of dialogue made Me smile. Plus, this world needs more movies where Kimya Dawson on the soundtrack feels normal. People who put this movie down need to think long and hard about what type of person that want be. Do you want to be the type of person who puts down Juno? People don't like that person, but Jesus will still forgive you, even though it will be hard.

2. 300

This decade’s Matrix, but without possible symbolism about Me. Take Braveheart, take out the heart, and add comic books, and this is EXACTLY how it would look. Film evolution. And like how The Matrix made the new Star Wars films look outdated, so does this with any other action film from this year, such as Beowulf. However, the true reason I love this film is simple. This movie will forever be known to Me as the film that made the possibility of an Oscar-worthy version of Watchmen have the fighting chance it deserves.

1. No Country For Old Men

The reason this was the best film of the year is not the acting or directing, although both are perfect. The reason this film was better than all others was because of the script. This script is perfection, as if I died for the sins of humanity and this script. The “is the villain in the motel room or not?” scene pushes this movie into one of the more complex and fascinating films I’ve seen in years. It is a movie you can enjoy at face value, or dig into and question everything. The magic is not just what is on the screen, but all the possible scenarios that could have happened while the camera was showing us something else. Plus, few people can kill a dog cooler than Josh Brolin.

Movies of 2007 that Broke the Heart of Jesus

3. Pirates of the Caribbean 3

I stood up for part 2. Bought the DVD. Told people it was as good as part 1. This film was so bad, it made Me question the existence of Me.

2. Grindhouse

Three hours of boring winks to the audience. Even the fake previews were less amazing as their hype.

1. Transformers

Only people who didn’t care about the Transformers cartoons and comics could have truly enjoyed this. For the few of us who loved the drama, soap opera, and character development of the Transformers of the 80’s, this movie was a giant slap in the face of how amazing a great Transformers movie could have been. This movie broke My heart more than any more in 2007. Listening to whole theaters cracking up as Transformers peed made Me sweat blood. Bumblebee was not a Beetle, and actually beating up a Beetle in his introduction? But the saddest punch of all… the nod that Star Scream and Megatron have issues with each other, and leaving it at just a nod, as if to tell Transformers fans that they the film makers “get it”. This film could have been something special. Instead, they just filmed up close action that was difficult to follow, and then they killed the black Transformer. Heartbreaking.

Best Comic of 2007

The Green Lantern Sinestro War

Best Book I Read In 2007 That Could Have Been One Of My Parables

The Road, by Comic McCarthy

Best Person of 2007


Friday, December 28, 2007


I'll keep blogging. Best of 2007 to come shortly!

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Anybody Out There?

Hope you enjoyed My birthday. I've been busy. I love you. Should I start updating again, or just let this blog die (only to come back 3 days later... but then to go up to Heaven forever)? Any thoughts?