The Rise and Fall and Rise of Juno

Juno is an almost perfect film. I know this because I know perfection. I am perfection. Juno is almost perfection. Which is what makes the current Juno backlash so fascinating. There is a growing amount of people that are arguing that Juno was just above average, that Juno is well acted but overwritten.

Some of these people feel threatened by Juno. It’s too sweet. It’s too simple. It’s too pushy. It’s too one-liner-ie. Nobody talks like how Juno talks. Some people are too cool for Juno. Some people are not cool enough for Juno. Some people just can’t admit to liking a cute film. People will loudly proclaim that they did not like Juno, and by saying so feel like they are making a stand. Some people are just angry people, and have a hard time standing behind anything that isn’t angry. For example, you would have trouble finding someone who hates both Juno and South Park.

There are Facebook groups with such titles as “I Hate Juno”, “Juno Is A Horrible Movie”, “Juno What Blows, This Movie”, “Juno, The Great Disappointment”, and four groups all with the title “Juno Sucks”. The popular movie news website Joblo, despite one of their reviewers earlier giving it a 9.5 out of 10, just ran an article by one of their writers about how they didn’t like Juno. Internet Movie Data Base is also swamped with people who are excited to rage against Juno, with over 80 one star reviews. Here are some quotes, which I will keep anonymous:

“It tried way to hard to be cool and be liked rather than be a good movie. Even though im a fan of Iggy Pop, Sonic Youth, Dario Argento etc. it was way to obvious that those references were randomly placed in the movie to seem cool. And just because The Shins got popular off Garden State, that doesnt mean that you should try and do the same with The Moly Peaches. It was also painfull to listen to Juno and her friend talk. Yeah, we got it. . . you want the dialouge of Napolean Dynamite so you can make all of the money off t shirts and dolls, but you wanna be remembered like Garden State. God this movie was dissapointing.”

“Juno's voice and dialogue were fkn painful to endure. I cringe imagining wannabe hipster kids quoting all those crappy, pseudo-cutesy/clever catchphrases from this abysmal waste of time. There's a difference between using slang to make a movie seem realistic and using it as a series of glorified, flat one-liners, and Juno definitely hit solely the latter of the two.”

"Juno is so overrated I could cry."

“Plays like an ad for the anti-abortion movement.”

“The only reason this movie deserves a 1 is because the scale doesn't go down to zero or negative numbers. This was literally the worst movie on the planet. I would rather see a movie with talking animals than this movie. The best part of the movie was when it ended although the darkness in the theater helped me get a good nap. The writer of this clearly had a great public school education because this movie idea probably came when she was taken a deuce and looked down to see a script. I think if you had the choice between this movie and any other movie, take the other one. If it's between Juno and a family reunion, go to the family reunion, your Uncle Bob probably hasn't seen you in a long time anyway. If it's between Juno and giving blood, give some blood, it'll make you feel charitable. If it's between Juno and a slow and painful death, it really doesn't matter which way you choose because those are the same. This was the only movie I have ever spent sleeping the first 30 minutes and then listening to my IPOD the last hour. And whatever you do, don't see it with someone you're going out with. If it's a guy, he'll want to get you pregnant, and if it's a girl, well, you'll want to get pregnant. I think it's best for your unborn child and for your well being to try to get a restraining order on Juno and if that turns out to not be possible, just burn down any movie theater that is showing Juno, trust me, it's worth the jail time.”


Now some people might argue that everyone is different and that I made people to have different likes and dislikes, and this is true. It is also true that a select few out there fit in the category entitled “People God Made That Will Not Be Able To Enjoy Juno”, but that is a very short list. So then, if God didn’t make so many Juno haters, what is going on with this backlash?

Simply put, most people have insecurity issues.

If you know somebody who really didn’t like Juno, they probably think about themselves way too much. They worry way too much about how others perceive them. With so many people are thinking about themselves, there’s hardly anyone left to think of others. Ellen Page plays a character that is almost to fun and charming for many people, and they see in her what they are not. If you are more excited to shout out to anyone how you disliked Juno more than other films, than you should really wrestle with how you became that way. What are your thoughts of Beowolf? What did you think of National Treasure 2?

Why does Juno offend more than other films? Because if you admit to liking it, you are admitting that you thought it was cool. In a way, this puts the film above you on the coolness scale. If you didn’t think it was all that, even though most all film critics loved it and Ebert called it the best film of 2007, if you thought it was “just alright”, then you can attempt to feel cooler than this film. But that has nothing to do with Juno at all, and everything to do with you feeling like you are something special and unique. I did make you special. I did make you unique. But I also made you to enjoy Juno, and it breaks My heart when you go against how you were made.

To the two of you reading this who are one My short list of “People God Made That Will Not Be Able To Enjoy Juno”, this post is not for you. I love you, now go watch Alvin And The Chipmunks again.