Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Jesus Loves Paul Scheer!

If you know Jesus Christ, then you obviously know Jesus Christ loves the VH1 Show Best Week Ever! Every weekend, Yours Truly is Tivoing this show and laughing His halo off. In My humble opinion, Best Week Ever is Must Watch Comedy… up there with The Office, The Family Guy, and E.R. If you are not watching Best Week Ever every week, I have no idea how you keep up with current pop culture.

And if you know Jesus Christ, then you obviously know that My favorite comic on Best Week Ever is Aziz Ansari. However, Jesus Christs third favorite comedian from Best Week Ever is the hilarious Paul Scheer! Often referred to as “the sexy smiling bald gap toothed one”, Paul steals the show almost every week. Paul and I are friends, so I decided to email Paul ten questions for him to answer for all My What Would Jesus Blog readers. Enjoy.

JC: Hey Paul, do you think I’m really Gods Kid or just some guy from history that lots of people still talk about but I probably wasn’t magic?

Paul Scheer: I definitely think you are God's kid. There is absolutely no doubt about it, you are the typical child of a celebrity. Look at the facts, your Dad was uber famous and successful he created the world and people, how can you top that? So what do you do, start fights with the money changers church, you hang out with your 12 buddies all the time, you hang out with whores and take road trips into the dessert for 40 days and no one knows where you went. You make Paris Hilton look tame.

JC: Hey Paul, do you like the gap tooth thing I did or are you pissed at Me about it?

Paul Scheer: At first I was like, "Damn". Then I was like, wait a second, you created me in your image, so I'm assuming you have a gap tooth too. High Five!

JC: Paul, is religion just a trick to make people think death aint too bad?

Paul Scheer: If that's true then I guess you expect me to believe that "Defending Your Life", "Heaven Can Wait", all the George Burns "Oh God" Movies and the Last Episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm is Total Fiction and that My friend is something I can't get behind.

JC: Hey Paul, what’s up with what’s up with that one movie you made with paintball guns? That looked funny.

Paul Scheer: First of all, thank you Jesus for taking time out to watch our little independent film. I know you and your Dad are bombarded by Academy Award Nominated Actors and Films (especially during this time of year) Blackballed: The Bobby Dukes Story starring Rob Corrdry (The Daily Show), Rob Riggle (Saturday Night Live), Rob Huebel (Best Week Ever) and Me, plus a bunch more great people you'd totally recognize a.) because you created them and b.) because you watch a lot of TV is a totally improvised movie that takes place in the competitive world of Paintball. We've won a bunch of awards for it and hopefully the film is going to distributed very soon in a minor theatrical release and then on DVD, which is going to be packed full of extras.

JC: Hey Paul, are you for or against Weezer?

Paul Scheer: I'm for Weezer but against their Breakup. Let's get Rivers Cuomo on some Anti Depressants and Make a Few More Albums. But Less like Maladroit and More Like Pinkerton and Blue (Their Debut CD).

JC: Hey Paul, do you think you have the talent to one day switch to drama and then one day get nominated for an Oscar only to lose it to that kid from the 6th sense who will then be an older person who other actors respect?

Paul Scheer: Great Question. I was just thinking about this the other day. The answer is, Totally. But by the time, Haley Joel Osment is in his 30's the Academy Awards will have become an all out Award Show Cage Match. If you want that award you have to Kickbox, Bite, and Karate Chop the rest of the nominees for it and in the Steel Cage Haley Joel is my Bitch!

JC: Hey Paul, have you ever thought about marketing yourself to the teen youth group crowd? There’s lots of conferences you could be a part of and share the stage with magicians, break dancers, and puppets.

Paul Scheer: I'll never share the stage with a stage with a break dancing puppet again. It's just something I don't want to get into here. If you really want to know wait for my tell all book. "If a Break Dancing Puppet Molests You Backstage, Does Anybody Hear it?" Coming this Fall.

JC: Hey Paul, when was the closest to God you ever felt?

Paul Scheer: I guess it happened about a month ago, in a San Fernando Valley 7-11. I was tired and I was looking for an energy drink, but I don't like Red Bull. I was hoping that they would have something different like Crunk Juice (You know, Lil John's Energy Drink) but when I got to refrigerator, there was none in sight. I was bummed, but then something made me take a second look, it was like a miracle, I saw a can of Crunk sticking out behind a can of Red Bull and I was like.."Thank God!" But I don't know why I was surprised, If you could turn water into wine you certainly can turn Red Bull into Crunk.

JC: Hey Paul, would you be surprised if the end of the world happened before you died?

Paul Scheer: Are You Threatening Me?

JC: Finally Paul, could you beat Michael Stipe in an arm wrestling tournament?

Paul Scheer: No, His Forearm Strength is that of Legend. I heard he ripped the arms from Def Leppard's Drummer just because he entered his home with his Muddy Boots on. I Think the only way that I'd have a shot is if I had a Robo-Arm and even then, it would have to calibrated special for such an event.
Thanks for the interview, Paul! I love you very much and I hope people can see Me through the creativity and humor I gave you. If you would like to see more of Paul, watch Best Week Ever on VH1 or check out his blog at paulscheer.com.


At 10:59 AM, Blogger Dodge said...

redonkulous awesomenessity.

At 1:23 PM, Blogger Taylor said...

Major Props Jesus. That interview is awesome. Paul Sheer is moving up my list, now he's tied with the Modern Humorists.

At 4:43 PM, Blogger Alexandria The Great said...

That was boss.

Welcome to blogspot Jesus!

I'm adding you to my blog friends.


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At 8:37 AM, Blogger Eduard said...

Jesus, thanks for bringing up the interview

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