Jesus Loves Aziz Ansari!

I made some comedians more likeable than others. That’s just how I roll. One comedian I am excited to share with My creation is Aziz Ansari. This kid really makes Me howl. St. Peter does this classic Ansari impression that, when you see it, you'll die... because you really can't see St. Peter any other way. But once you die, ask St. Peter to do his "Ansari". It's all about his timing. Anyway, I emailed Aziz some questions and he was kind enough to reply. I like Aziz, and so should you.


JC: Hey Aziz, do you believe in Me? We don't talk much.

Aziz Ansari: There was a time when I did not believe in you Jesus, nor did I believe in your crucifixion - that is until I saw Mel Gibson’s powerful motionpicture "Bird On A Wire." Surely the chemistry between Gibson and GoldieHawn was not the work of happenstance, but that of a divine power suchas yourself.


JC: Hey Aziz, that MIA bit you do is funny, what are your thoughts on Hell?

Aziz Ansari: I hate that Hell is just supposed to be "non-stop fire!" That's notsomething anyone on Earth can relate to. The amount of Hellishness that implies is far beyond something we could imagine. I picture Hell to be something relatable, you know? Like, paying a heavy cover to get into a strip club and then realizing the strip club has only about 10 or so girls that aren't really attractive enough to warrant the high price. Doesn’t that suck? We all can relate to that.


JC: Hey Aziz, what word most likely can make you laugh?

Aziz Ansari: Through a bizarre series of events involving a small white dog and an endless series of warped inside joke play between my brother and I, the word most likely to make me laugh is "cotton."


JC: Hey Aziz, what's the deal with only being on "Best Week Ever" for only that one week? Was that your best week ever?

Aziz Ansari: After my initial appearances on "Best Week," I was thrusted into theupper echelons of Hollywood and I made love to Jennifer Aniston, ScarletJohannson, and Angelina Jolie over the course of 2 weeks. Once I becameinvolved with such mainstays of the Hollywood scene, I felt uncomfortable making wisecracks on their and their friends’ behalf (I don't know what happened, I think I accidentally made someone there angry).


JC: Hey Aziz, how many hours a week do you spend in front of your computer?

Aziz Ansari: I spend an embarrassing amount of time in front of my computer I’m sure. I can check my email, myspace, facebook, blogs, and then repeat this cycle for up to 4 hours.


JC: Hey Aziz, do you think there’s a god that created everything, or probably we just sort of happened?

Aziz Ansari: I believe God created everything, but I believe God evolved frommicroscopic organisms through a process known as evolution.


JC: Hey Aziz, who would win in this fight, you or Bob Dylan circa 1988?

Aziz Ansari: Funny story, I was it was the mid eighties. And I was trying to talk Bob into writing the theme song for a film called "Back To The Future." Dylan said the movie sounded really stupid and I told him it was destined to be a classic. We got into a tumble and Dylan beat me up bad. Next thing you know, Huey Lewis comes up and goes "Dylan, what are you doing beating up a 5 year old?" Dylan just took off in the other direction - where he was intercepted by a gang of thugs known simply as - "The News." The rest is history.


JC: Hey Aziz, if you could make all religion disappear with just one joke, would you? And what might that joke be?

Aziz Ansari: I would make it all disappear if I could. The joke would probably make fun of the fact that most people base their religious beliefs solely onwhatever religion there parents had. Unfortunately, I have yet to be able to develop that notion into a hilarious joke.


JC: Hey Aziz, if you could join The Go! Team for one month, would that prove to you that I died for your sins?

Aziz Ansari: The Go! Team sounds like a fun band to be involved with. But I’m not really that into them. So, I guess it would prove that you just don't get me Jesus...


JC: Hey Aziz, what is the most spiritual experience you have ever felt (no cussing)?

Aziz Ansari: One time I had a layover in the Atlanta airport, and I was hoping tohave some Chic-Fil-A, but the terminal I was in didn't have the Chic-Fil-A. I said to myself, "come on, God, give me some Chic-Fil-A." Next thing you know, I see a kid with a Chic-Fil-A Sandwich combo (with sweet tea no less) and I said, "Hey little buddy, is there any way I could have that Chic-Fil-A, I'm really hungry..." The kid said no, but for whatever reason he suddenly turned his head to the left, giving me the perfect window to slap him in the head and grab the bag. I was sohappy and I can only assume God was responsible for whatever made that young boy turn his head. Thanks Lord.

Thanks, Aziz, for the interview! Just for the record, I made Aziz so that he would be absolutely in love with the song “The Power Is On” by The Go! Team. If he tells you that he doesn’t think that song is anything great, he is sinning at you but you should forgive him. Go to his website. Go to his shows. Support humor that is good.

I recently made a mix tape that consisted of music that would be good for the Elevator to Hell, which is sort of in the similar vein of this Aziz Ansari video of the poor kid having to walk around New York City blasting some uncomfortable songs via a very large Boom Box stereo. Click here and enjoy Aziz being very uncomfortable. (Warning: Website might not be SFCC{safe for conservative churches}) If you liked that, make sure to check out his stand up video regarding his love for MIA.