Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Trick Questions And Bad Juice

Could I create a rock so large I couldn’t move it? This is the sort of question that really has no bearing over if one wants to be in a friendship with Me as much as the question is said to be playful or annoying. I call these “Jesus Smart-Alecky” questions, and I get them all the time.

Another common Jesus Smart-Alecky question I hear said about My rules is regarding if one was in a situation where one rule must be broken in order to follow another one of the rules. For example, what if your parents asked you to murder somebody? You’ve been told that I want you to obey your parents, but you also know that I don’t want you to murder. Now what?

The answer is simple. I don’t want you around sin. If your parents are trying to get you to sin, try to honor them in a way that doesn’t include sinning.

For example, “Hey son, kill our neighbor.” “No, dad. Meet this psychologist I hired for you.” “No, son, I’d rather you not hire a psychologist for me and instead kill our neighbor.” “I know you do, dad, but I don’t think I should break the law for you, even though I love you, so instead I hired this psychologist with my past two summers of lawn mowing money.” “Up yours, son.” “Sorry dad, I love you too much to let you through your life and mine down the toilet.” “Well, shoot.”

If you have a friend that tells you that they think I am telling them to break one of My commandments, they are probably lying in order to do something they really want to do. For example, some people will argue that getting drunk helps them share about their relationship with Me to their friends who also like to get drunk. I would never ask somebody to sin in order to talk about Me. They just want to get crunked up.

Here’s another toughie some people throw at Me. What if you were alive and in living in Germany during World War II and you were hiding some Jewish people in the basement, when all of the sudden, some Nazis knocked on the door and said “Have you seen any Jews around here? We are looking to round some up and murder them.”

Now, I don’t like people lying and I like it when you obey your government, but I also don’t like murder too much either. So, what’s the right thing to do here?

You lie right in the face of those Nazis! Either way you would end up in trouble, so pick the option that you’d think is the more righteous one. Play your cards right, and I’ll not only forgive your decision, I’ll probably even bless it enough to get you out of that mess.

The government wanted to kill Me, too, you know. And that ended up pretty good. Well, maybe not for Judas, but for the most part, I’d argue that humanity is much better off for it. The government also went after Moses, and that turned out alright, too. I’m not as fundamental as some might argue. Not to brag, but Me and the gang healed on Sundays you know.

That being said, I tripped across one of the freakier things I’ve found on the web lately. It’s an audio recording of the last 45 minutes of the sermon given by Jim Jones before he lead his congregation to mass suicide. This recording is fascinating and absolutely terrifying. A lot of horrendous things have been done in My name, and honestly this doesn’t even make the top 10… but it’s up there. So, just for the record, I would never lead a person to suicide. If you are hearing voices telling you that you should try to talk a large group of people into killing themselves, that voice ain’t Me. If you don’t know much about the Jonestown cult that lead to mass suicide, read up via its very own wiki!

The Reverend Jim Jones – Last Jonestown Sermon Death Tape.mp3

(mp3 brought to you via because EZarchive is a thorn in My head)

The Brian Jonestown Massacre – The Ballad of Jim Jones.mp3

So here’s My Jesus Smart-Alecky question for you… you wanna be in a friendship with Me and change the world together, or are you going to use some lame excuse to justify why I’m not real just so you don’t have to accept that fact that you’re screwed up and I’m the only think that can save your sorry soul?


At 6:57 PM, Blogger the zero effect said...

jesus, of course you could create a rock soooo big you couldn't lift. and then, of course, you could lift it!! that's how awesome you are.

At 12:57 PM, Blogger Angie said...

I must admit, maybe because the Jonestown Massacre happend two years before my birth, I didn't know much about it. Thank you for posting this sound clip and information. I could'nt help but listen to the whole 45 minutes. It was very sad -- especially hearing the little children crying... oh. Nevermind. I'm gonna' cry if I go on about it. It's good to learn from our past, so hopefully we don't repeat the same mistakes in the future. It's a crazy world, though. COME BACK SOON, JESUS!!!

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