Friday, February 23, 2007

What I've Learned

Jesus Christ loves reading Esquire Magazine. I have a subscription to a humorous amount of magazines, and Esquire is the one I usually get the most excited for. One thing they do that I love is the “What I’ve Learned” section, where they ask mostly cool old people who are dying to list what they’ve learned. They’ve never asked Me to contribute, so I made a list for you to read on My holy blog. Enjoy.

What I’ve Learned
By Jesus Christ

  1. God made your world and religious people will destroy it.
  2. Nobody will believe you if you tell them you’re going to get killed but then come back to life.
  3. Gatorade A.M. is basically just normal Gatorade with an annoying marketing strategy.
  4. Nobody likes an unexplained parable.
  5. Even if you have the ability to instantly restore sight to the blind by praying for it, the crowd really gets a kick out of you spitting in some dirt and rubbing it on the blind eye first.
  6. If you don’t consider yourself a leader, My Dad thinks you’d be great at it.
  7. Atheists better pray to God they’re right.
  8. Every day, people choose not to see Me.
  9. Television doesn’t get much better than the second season of Buffy.
  10. Nobody wants to wash your feet.
  11. If you were just badly beaten and dying, you will not find drinking vinegar refreshing.
  12. If you are trying to nail a person up on a piece of wood, nails through the wrist hold better than through the palm.
  13. Most people don’t trust Me.
  14. People hate to hear the truth. Weezer is underrated and Sonic Youth is overrated.
  15. People who practice what I preach tend to anger religious people.
  16. If a party is turning lame, bring out the good stuff.
  17. I don’t need you to do anything. The story isn’t about you.
  18. Belief that I am who I say I am rarely comes through debate.
  19. My Dad is to redemption as Kurt Busiek is to Superman.
  20. No matter how many different ways I tell you I love you, if you don’t deal with your sin then you won’t believe Me.

11 Comments:

At 1:28 PM, Blogger Karissa said...

Nice list. :)

 
At 9:36 PM, Anonymous Kelly said...

I find it hard to believe that the second season of Buffy is that good, but I'll have faith in Your judgement... for a blessing.

 
At 8:28 AM, Anonymous mjrc said...

i've missed you--glad you're back.

i have a question. do we ever have to worry about you? seriously, do we ever need to pray for jc? i know you pray for us all the time, but does it go both ways?

 
At 5:39 PM, Blogger CactusFreek said...

lol that list was funny :o)

But Buffy??? C'mon now lol

 
At 9:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow. you have absolutely no respect for Yeshua, do you? This site is evil and wicked to the core.

 
At 6:06 PM, Anonymous jenna cummings said...

cute-but is buffy really that old? like, over 2,000 years? crazy

 
At 11:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

gucci replica handbags
men gucci shoes
Gucci men sneakers
Gucci men moccasins
gucci women sneakers
gucci women boots
Gucci men boots
Gucci
Gucci shop
Gucci bags
Gucci shoes
Replica GUCCI SHOES
wholesale gucci shoes
cheap Gucci handbags
Gucci ON sale
Gucci Belts
Gucci small accessories
Gucci hats & scarves
Gucci wallets
Gucci Handbags
Women Gucci shoes
Men Gucci shoes
discount gucci shoes
cheap Gucci shoes

 
At 10:40 PM, Blogger rong said...

your article is very good, but do you like the pink ghd
babyliss
armani sunglasses
gucci sunglasses outlet
discount abercrombie and fitch clothes
abercrombie fitch outlet
abercrombie & fitch clothing
ed hardy wholesale
cheap ed hardy wholesale
discount ed hardy wholesale
wholesale ed hardy
ed hardy outlet
paul smith shirt
paul smith outlet
paul smith 2010
cheap paul smith
discount paul smith
paul smith shoes
Burberry scarf
Burberry outlet
cheap Burberry handbags
Burberry totes
newest Burberry
moncler
Moncler jackets
Moncler coats
Moncler Vest
discount Moncler outlet
moncler polo t shirt
newest air max
cheap air max shoes
air max outlet
discount air max
air max nike
cheap ugg boots
discount ugg boots
ugg boots
classic ugg boots
ugg classic tall boots
discount LV handbag

 
At 10:42 PM, Blogger rong said...

how do you think the AirMax BW
AirMax Huarache
AirMax LTD
AirMax Skyline
AirMax TN
AirMax Zength
AirMax 09
AirMax 180
AirMax 2003
AirMax 2006
AirMax 2009
AirMax 2010
AirMax 360
AirMax 87
AirMax 90
AirMax 91
AirMax 92
AirMax 93
AirMax 95

 
At 9:43 PM, Blogger dfadf said...

Microsoft Office
Office 2010
Microsoft Office 2010
Office 2010 key
Office 2010 download
Office 2010 Professional
Microsoft outlook
Outlook 2010
Windows 7
Microsoft outlook 2010

 
At 5:05 PM, Anonymous site said...

Quite effective material, lots of thanks for the article.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home