Friday, December 29, 2006

The Best Of Jesus In 2006

The Bible, for all it’s worth, is a pretty quick read. Steven King puts out a book almost as thick as the Bible just about every other year. Don’t get Me wrong, the Bible is My word, and all of it is ordained by Me, but a lot of good stuff didn’t quite make the cut. So, for everything else… that’s why I keep a blog. It’s been a fun first year keeping up this site for My peeps, and I plan on keeping it up for awhile. So, if you want to know My thoughts on how to live life, check out Matthew 5-7. If you want to know My thoughts on horror movies, then welcome to WWJBlog, where your Creator rants and rambles about all the stuff that didn’t make it into the Bible, and probably never should. Sorry if you think I preach a lot, but that’s kinda what I do… and frankly, you need a little preaching to every now and then.

That being said, you voted, and now here’s your results to The Top 25 Best WWJBlog posts of 2006!



1. Jesus Collects Quotes from 1 Star Amazon User Reviews On Great Albums – Where else can you find negative reviews of albums like Radiohead’s OK Computer and have it compared to INXS?

2. The Baltimore Hooker Incident – Prostitution and worship just don’t mix like I’d hoped.

3. Tapes ‘N Tapes Are Not Understandable – For all the hype that flowed for the song “The Loon”, even the Son Of God had trouble figuring out what in the world they were actually saying over their music. Here’s My attempt to decipher their lyrics.

4. Jesus Christ Interviews Paul Scheer – I love Best Week Ever, and it was an honor to interview My favorite comic from that show.

5. Jesus Rages Against Christian Bumper Stickers – I give you the Great Commission, you give Me bumper stickers with a clean conscience.

6. Jesus Christ Interivews Aziz Ansari – If you don’t know this comedian yet, youtube search him and enjoy.

7. Jesus Christ Rants Against Those Too Cool For Green Day – Jesus has a problem with people who proclaim their love or hate for a band only if it is socially acceptable.

8. Jesus Shows Off His Skills Of Knowing All And, Despite Negative Hype, Predicts That Daniel Craig Will Make An Amazing James Bond – Granted, I might have helped a little bit, but that still counts.

9. Jesus Christ Interviews Clem Snide Front Man Eef Barzelay – Nobody sings sadder songs about Me than Eef.

10. Jesus Christ Writes An Open Letter To Jessica Simpson’s Dad, Joe Simpson – Did I mention former Youth Pastor Joe Simpson?

11. Jesus Christ Interviews J. Tillman – Few things had Me laughing harder than J. Tillman calling Sam Beam Cryin’ and Whine.

12. Jesus Lets You In On How Earth Originally Had An Ocean Hovering In The Sky – True story. Smart people argue about this kinda stuff. Now the argument can be settled. Oh, God had a giant ocean in the sky.

13. Jesus Christ Gushes Love Out To SNL Cast Member Will Forte – This season has made Me cry laughing. Possibly the best SNL cast ever. In a TV season with 2 separate SNL behind the scenes shows, nothing beats the real thing.

14. Jesus Reviews The Other Blogs Awkwardly Named What Would Jesus Blog – Just for the record, I would not blog what they blog. I only would blog what I blog.

15. Jesus Christ Rants Against Rolling Stone Magazine And Blesses Pitchfork – I’ve read every issue of Rolling Stone, and each one makes Me a little sadder. Thank Me for Pitchfork Media! Me bless Pitchfork Media!

16. Jesus Christ Gushes Love Out To “I Am Fuel You Are Friends”, His Favorite MP3 Blog – If you don’t check Heather’s blog twice a day, I think you are odd. I still love you, but you’re odd. She passionately loves music, and wants to share that love with anyone willing to stop by her site. Her site is a gift. Embrace it.

17. Jesus Christ Reviews All The Different Mountain Dew Flavors – It was a slow day up here.

18. Jesus Christ Interviews Damien Jurado – Damien and I are lovers. His music makes Me want to hold off on the Rapture for a few more years, just to hear what he has in store for the world on his next album.

19. Jesus Christ Interviews G4’s Blair Butler – Cute girls who love comic books are like Allan Moore fans who loved the film adaptation of “League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen”… rare. Attack Of The Show rulz!

20. Jesus Christ Interviews “Monster Island” Zombie Novelist David Wellington – His books were the most fun stories I read this year. I’m excited to see where this career goes, and it was an honor to interview him.

21. The Shins “Wincing The Night Away” Album Review Drinking Game – Believe it or not, this post made its way into the January 2007 issue of Wired Magazine, right next to their review of the Shins album where they actually would have to drink if they were playing. Besides the Bible being the all time best seller, now I’m in Wired! I’m famous! Look at Me!

22. Jesus Christ Rants About 12 Foot Tall Sexy Bra Ads In Mall Windows – Few things more freaky than photoshopping My face on lingerie models. No need to thank Me. You’re welcome. I love you.

23. Jesus Christ Rants About Aquaman - This is a true definition of a rant from Jesus. Read carefully, secrets of the world are hidden in this post. Aquaman rulz!

24. Jesus Christ Teaches You How To Make A Mix Tape For Chuck Klosterman – I love Chuck Klosterman, and this is My open love letter to him, for all to see. If you know Chuck Klosterman, give him a hug for Me. Then, with My help, make him a killer mix.

25. Jesus Christ Rants Against Those Who Talk About Their Love For The Film “Volver” – If I had to choose between seeing “Volver” and seeing “The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause”, I’d see “Volver”, no questions asked. But I still wouldn’t be super excited about it.

8 Comments:

At 9:36 PM, Blogger Matthew Paul Turner said...

awesome blog. this writing is awesome.

 
At 9:46 PM, Blogger heather said...

wow, I like #16 too. :)
I'm just below Pitchfork and above Mountain Dew. As it should be, my lord. As it should be.

And hey, just realized I kinda copped a post title from you, well actually Charlie Brown - or was it Linus? Gotta go watch that clip again.
:)

Thanks for a reminder of a great year with you.

 
At 9:54 PM, Blogger Matthew Paul Turner said...

thanks for the comment bro. When I finish "Jesus Needs New PR," I'll get you a copy...

 
At 7:19 PM, Anonymous mjrc said...

jesus, you have been one bright spot in a year that's been rather dark for me, and for that, i am eternally thankful. see you in 2007.

 
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