Wednesday, April 05, 2006

What Else Would Jesus Blog?

So, while I was away, I got an email from Darlene from “What Would Jesus Blog?” She was nice. Now, some of you may be saying, “but Jesus, how could You be getting email from someone from “What Would Jesus Blog?” when You are from “What Would Jesus Blog?” Great question, and the answer is simple… to My surprise, there’s lots of “What Would Jesus Blog” blogs! Here’s a few quick reviews of other “What Would Jesus Blog?” blogs, by Jesus Christ of “What Would Jesus Blog?”

“What Would Jesus Blog?” Site #1 -

This is the site that Darlene, the woman who emailed Me, runs. Her blog is more popular than My blog. You might think that I would therefore not like her, but you would be wrong. I love Darlene, even if she has the best blogger website address. Her site is mostly her talking about life from a Christian woman’s perspective. It seems nice, although I found no reference to the new Flaming Lips album. And just to set the record straight, Darlene is NOT Jesus Christ. I am Jesus Christ. She’s just some nice lady who knows Me and beat Me to the punch when it comes to naming blogs. You one up’ed Me this time, Darlene, but we’ll see who gets the last laugh when you see your room I’ve been preparing for you up here (hint: hope you like shag carpet).

“What Would Jesus Blog?” Site #2 -

This “What Would Jesus Blog?” blog sucks. No way around it. First of all, this blog hasn’t been updated in over a year, yet they get a cooler website address than Me and I’m stuck with this crappy “whatwouldjb” website address. Secondly, there’s a guy over there that’s posting like he ACTUALLY IS Jesus Christ, which is just about the lamest attempt at humor I’ve ever seen, not to mention it’s blasphemous and probably slander. There’s another guy over there who posted as Satan, who probably is Satan because only Satan would be so lame… and he is actually. I know the guy, total jerk. So again, the dorks at this site are not actually Jesus Christ, because I am Jesus Christ and I think I would know if I had another blog out there.

“What Would Jesus Blog?” Site #3 -

Yet another lame-o excuse for a “What Would Jesus Blog?” blog who just happens to have a cooler site address than the Creator of the internet (Me, not Gore). Again, this dudes site hasn’t been updated in over a year and it only has two lame posts on it. This is another dork acting like he is Me, which is totally embarrassing because this dude uses the word “friggin”, which if you notice in My sermon on the mount never comes up once and never would come up once because that word is so stupid. Let your yes mean yes and your no mean no, and if you need to cuss but don’t want to cuss don’t make up a fake cuss word like “friggin”! I’ll accept cussing by saying the letter “F”, because they do that sometimes on “The Office” and I think that is pretty funny, but normally it is best to steer away from cussing. I, Jesus Christ, am not a fan of cussing, although I deem the words “sucks”, “crap”, and “crappy” acceptable. Don’t argue it, I am all powerful. That being said, this guys F’ing crappy blog sucks hard. Thanks for that stupid post about a “Lord Of The Rings” DVD. Very insightful information. I guess I should check that movie out, you poser!

“What Would Jesus Blog?” Site #4 -

This guy’s got the best site address out of all of us, hands down. Well done, guy who isn’t really Jesus nor do you claim to be, well done indeed. This site is basically one guy who loves Me talking about his life and how I play into his life. It’s nice. Kinda like Darlene’s site from the above list, but not quite as updated. He’s got some good links though, so keep it up guy who’s not Jesus Christ but might confuse people by your web address and either way you’re not me, keep it up.

“What Would Jesus Blog?” Site #5 -

This is a website for an AM country station from Brooksville, Florida. They have a live feed you can play through winamp on their site, but it wasn’t working for Me and I doubt they play much Neutral Milk Hotel anyway, and if the station don’t play Neutral Milk Hotel, then Jesus Christ doesn’t care much for that station.

So there you have it. Lot’s of Jesus Blogs out there, only one Jesus. Many will come claiming to be Me, some will even trick you by performing cool miracles, but you will know when I officially come back. Trust Me, My Dad and I have been working on this thing where you will all actually be able to see me at the same exact time. It’s nuts! I don’t wanna give too much away, but We are actually gonna do this thing where I'm riding a chariot and I’m going to be HUGE. Like so huge that I literally surround the earth at once so everyone can see Me at the same exact time. It’s confusing, but you’ll believe it when you see it, and it’ll be sooner than you think, so get ready! But until then, somebody post more of the new Peal Jam, I’m dying to hear more of it.


At 3:54 PM, Blogger Darlene said...

Well, thank you, I'm glad I got thumbs up.

At 10:56 PM, Blogger Cassandra said...

I just did a report about what the Qur'an has to say about you. FYI: I think the book of Esther gives you more recognition than the whole Qur'an.

Peace be upon you (although you are Peace incarnate).

At 9:38 AM, Blogger Space Cadet 'R' said...

I'm not saying she's the first, but she's the only professed Christian that I've seen that that has posted a comment that wasn't a complete scripture-ridden hissy-fit. Bravo, good and faithful Canadian.

At 10:47 AM, Blogger Space Cadet 'R' said...

I stand extremely corrected.

At 12:12 PM, Anonymous Dee said...

Hi Jesus:

I'm sure you've seen reports in the media in the past few days stating that you actually walked on ice, rather than water, as some sort of freak weather phenomenon. Can you clear that up for us?

At 1:15 PM, Blogger Ron Freeman said...

Hey Jesus, I started blogging about chicken wings for the website of a local rag. check it out:
Space Cadet, I'm also a Christian that has never hissy-fitted on here.

At 3:14 PM, Blogger Paul said...

I started a new blog and tried to register it as

Of course, as you stated that address was already taken.

So my new blog address is now

Please check it out and leave a comment.

At 6:51 AM, Anonymous Life After Death said...

God's mercy is for all people...especially sinners.

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