Thursday, January 26, 2006

Funny Hell Elevator Joke


A few days ago, I sent a few of my angels to dress up like demons and check out what has been going down in Hell. So they are taking this elevator down and it is taking forever, and they get this crazy idea, which I think is classic. Here’s the plan. Since I’m God, right, I can do anything. So My angels asked Me if I’d program the Hell elevator to play terrible alternative rock from the post-Nirvana crash of the late 90’s. For example, Better Than Ezra’s song “Good”. Or “Lump” by the Presidents of the I don’t even want to finish typing their band name. “New Age Girl” by Deadeye Dick. “Zombie” by the Cranberries. Etc. Please help Me make a mix of the most painful mid to late 90’s alternative rock. What else would physically hurt you to have to listen to? Two band members of the “Lump” band are going to Hell for that one song alone. Just kidding. They also are going to Hell because they never accepted Me as their Lord and Savior, but one could argue I never let them accept me, but that’s not the point. The point is, please post here other painful songs. Who knows, maybe this could start a new fashionable trend. Maybe Adam Sandler will make a movie about this era and put all these songs on a soundtrack that would make grown men cry and babies bleed from their ears. Please, stay away from Counting Crows or Weezer. They are great and I don’t care about how you feel about them. I’m perfect, you sin. Back off Counting Crows and Weezer. The Gin Blossoms are open game.

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10 Comments:

At 10:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

what about "Two Princes" by the Spin Doctors?

 
At 10:58 PM, Blogger jeremy sawatzky said...

that one song by Spacehog. i forget what it was called... "resident alien"? or maybe that was the cd... oh... was it "in the meantime"? or something to that effect?

by the way, i love this site. i always knew jesus liked good music.

 
At 1:24 AM, Blogger Eric said...

anything by C & C Music factory, or was that pre Nirvana? How about Uncle Joe's Diner by Suzanne Vega?

 
At 10:13 AM, Blogger Kunt Puppet said...

Local H has to fit in there somewhere.

 
At 10:45 AM, Blogger Daniel said...

Any song by Candlebox. Just pick one because they're all the same.

 
At 3:00 PM, Blogger miguel said...

"Once, there was a boy who..."

MMMMMMM. HHHHMMM.

 
At 3:25 PM, Blogger donsky said...

"Breakfast at Tiffany's" by Deep Blue Something. My ears are bleeding just thinking about it.

 
At 6:14 AM, Blogger Nick said...

Most of these songs are fine little pop songs, the problem was that the music industry tried to pass it off as alternative.

The fact that we can all remember the choruses to these songs are a testament to their melodies and hooks.

By the way Jesus, why don't you like Zombie? Isn't it all about asking different religious groups in Ireland to stop fighting each other? I figured you'd be pleased with that one.

 
At 2:44 PM, Blogger freshly_squeezed said...

"Mouth" by Bush, with any of their other songs coming in a close second

 
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