Sunday, January 15, 2006

The Parable of the Persistent Singer

So this guy, right, this guy posts comment that he has a band that he thinks Jesus Christ would like, and he asks if I would review his album. I think nothing of it because I'm more interested in him just thinking about Me versus him producing for me. Anyway, I bless his day and forget about it. Well, this same guy shoots me an email saying the same thing. “Hey, Jesus Christ, I like your taste in music. Will you review my stuff?” And I’m thinking, maybe this dude wants some publicity or something… which if that was the case is a little depressing because there’s other blogs out there that seem to be a littler heavier visited than Mine… so it gets Me thinking that maybe this is this guy just reaching out for Me or something, which I am all about. So I decide to check his stuff out. He wanted a home address so he could mail me an actual CD, but if he read my book he’d know my current address doesn’t accept fed ex. But his email had a link to his My Space and to a website, so I checked it out. Anyway, this dudes name is Ron Freeman. If he just wants the plug, then here it is. Ron Freeman. He’s got a My Space. But if it is a genuine review he’s after, I’ll give him that too. Sometimes when you pray for stuff, I don’t want to give it to you. I know you want it, but I also know what you’d be like if you got it. So sometimes when you pray for stuff, I make a judgment call and decide you ain’t getting it…. however, every now and then, one of you begs and pesters, begs and pesters, and even though I know for a fact it is going to mess you up, I love you too much to keep making you beg. Ron Freeman, quit begging, I love you, here’s your review.

Tell Me The Truth.mp3
Ron, I love you a lot. I don’t love this song a lot. It reminded me of something I’d tivo through on VH1’s The Alternative… kinda like Pet Shop Boys meets the Lightning Seeds by way of Echo and the Bunnymen, and then make it a B-Side. This would have made you HUGE for a few months in 1984 in London. Too bad the 24 Hour Party People grew up and work normal jobs at Wernham Hogg, because they would totally have danced to this.

Our Love.mp3
Now, Ron, what is this?! You just switched genres, man. This works for you. You look like a guy who sings this song. Simple, pretty, nice, I like this. Drop the background vocal, push your vocals out a little, and get Damien Jurado to sing it. Just kidding, Ron, this one is yours.

Where Are You Tonight.mp3
What’s up with this background vocal dude? You owe him a favor or something? Ron, thing song is alright. I’d ditch the choir and slow it down a little bit. This could be nice with you alone on piano.

Golden Skin.mp3
There’s the vocals! Keep them up front. 30 seconds in and I can already tell this one is my favorite of your free mp3’s. This sounds like you, Ron. I like it. This is the one that shows off that you might be able to write some lyrics, too. This track is the keeper.

Overall, Ron, I think you are a good kid, but if you want to do this for a living you got some work to do. I’m not trying to get all Old Testament on you, and I think you’ve got some better stuff yet to come (especially after that divorce I have planned for you… just kidding, Ron!), but I don’t think these are the songs that will get you noticed. However, I think those songs are in you somewhere, in fact, I think I remember throwing them into your mix when I thought you up. I love you, Ron. Keep working on this. Pray nightly, keep begging, and you never know what kind of blessing I might throw down your way.

Bonus Pictures:

At first, I got Ron Freeman confused with this guy.

Ron peeing on a barn.


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