Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Kathy Griffin and Me

12 Ways I Actually Did Help Kathy Griffin Win An Emmy

  1. Stopped that bear from finding her when she was on that hike.
  2. Air.
  3. Almost made her a really funny meerkat.
  4. Made sure they made an Emmy category for both “Outstanding Reality Program” and “Outstanding Reality Competition Program.”
  5. Stopped the creation of the show “Steve Martin: My Life On The B List.”
  6. Positioned the moon to allow the tides to aid with water purification.
  7. Helped her humor by making her awkward in Jr. High.
  8. Knew her speech would spark interesting conversation.
  9. Diverted horrific tricycle accident.
  10. Ensured her hardest competition to be the Dog Whisperer.
  11. She was fearfully and wonderfully made.
  12. Died for the salvation of My fellow Jew (in heart).

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Black Kate Moss

Many of you have been throwing prayers up my way, asking for a black Kate Moss. For a guy who knows absolutely everything, like that time you did that thing to that guys car, asking for a black version of a model was still a little confusing. Then I heard the new Kanye West album, and now I get it.

I also get that many of you who have been praying for this for awhile now probably downloaded this album illegally. I take all that into account for if you get in here or not, so be careful. The IRAA is the least of your worries.

That being said, I LOVE the new Iron & Wine album.

Anyway, in regards to a black Kate Moss...

This is not perfection, people. I make each one of you perfectly. I spend months putting you together. Few things scare Me, but you my friend, I was freaked out when I was putting you together. You were fearfully and wonderfully made, and so was white Kate Moss. I'm sorry if you think I screwed up and that Kate Moss should have been a black person, but I made her a white girl for a reason. Kate Moss is a white girl and she's staying that way.

Now, a black Twiggie, that would be interesting. Although the line "you could be my black Twiggie tonight" might be a little confusing. What about "you could be my white Naomi Campbell tonight"? You could really get wild if you added some crayon colors into it, such as "you could be my neon carrot Gisele Bundchen tonight" or "you could be my eggplant Adriana Lima tonight".

But for the record, no black Kate Moss.

For those of you wondering what a white Kanye West might sound like, pick up his new album, it's pretty impressive.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Back From The Dead

Hey! Son of Man here. How are things going? I’ve been offline for the summer and missed you guys. Sorry to disappear like that. Things got a little wild here. Make sure to ask Me about it if you get up here, it’s a good story.
And for all you apologetics kiddies out there… I didn’t really “disappear”, I was just offline and far from the internet.

Again, not that you can’t find Me in the internet, but Jesus Christ, the Guy who writes this blog, was away from His desk.
Anyway, what did I miss? Any song of the summer I need to hear besides Umbrella or the Delilah with the worst chorus on current Top 40? I saw the Counting Crows put out their final “Around” song in their epic “Around Here”, “Hanging Around”, “Come Around” trilogy. Is G4 still doing a better job on teen culture than MTV? Any movie come out that was better than “Knocked Up”? People still acting like “Heroes” was an amazing show? What’s been going down?

In God news, I’ve been busy! Hope you guys are feeling blessed, because if you are able to read this, then believe Me, you are blessed. Jesus is your rock and I roll your blues away! Seriously, what great new albums do I need to check out?